English (Marx, 1862)

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Die Presse published this article, marked "From Our London Correspondent" , in the Feuilleton section. Max Friedlander had asked Marx to write for this section, too, in his letter of January 7, 1862. p . 163

“Eccentricity” or “individuality” are the marks of insular John Bull in the minds of continentals. On the whole, this notion confuses the Englishman of the past with the Englishman of the present. Intense class development, extreme division of labour and what is called “public opinion”, manipulated by the Brahmins of the press, have, on the contrary, produced a monotony of character that would make it impossible for a Shakespeare, for example, to recognise his own countrymen. The differences no longer belong to the individuals but to their “profession” and class. Apart from his profession, in everyday life one “respectable” Englishman is so like another that even Leibniz could hardly discover a difference, a differentia specifica, between them. The individuality, so highly praised, is banished from every sphere of politics and society and finds its last refuge in the crotchets and whims of private life, asserting itself there now and then sans-gêne and with unconscious humour. Hence it is chiefly in the courts of justice—those great public arenas in w’hich private whims clash with one another—that the Englishman still appears as a being sui generis.

This is the preface to a diverting courtroom scene that took place a few days ago in the Court of Exchequer. The dramatis personae were, on one side, Sir Edwin Landseer, the greatest English painter of the present time, and, on the other, Messrs. Haldane, first-rate London tailors; Sir Edwin was the defendant, Messrs. Haldane the plaintiffs. The corpus delicti consisted of an overcoat and a frock-coat, valued at £12, for which the painter refused to pay. Sergeant Ballantine pleaded for Landseer, Mr. Griffiths for Haldane.

Haldane testifies: Sir Edwin Landseer ordered the two coats. They had been sent to him to try on and he had complained about the height of the collars. They were altered. Now he complained that he could not wear them without feeling hot and uncomfortable in them. In addition, they rubbed against the hair of his head. To please the defendant, various alterations were made. Finally, the plaintiffs refused to make any more alterations unless they were specially paid for. At that point Landseer sent the two coats back by his servant. The plaintiffs then sent him the following letter:

“We beg respectfully to send you two coats, having again altered them according to the direction you last gave. The many alterations you speak of as being unsuccessful arise from your own fault. The coats when first tried on fitted remarkably well, but if you will place your body into the most unreasonable positions it will require something more than human science to fit you. (Laughter.) We have most unwillingly made the alterations you have required, believing them to be unnecessary and contrary to the rules of our craft, and we now find it impossible to please you. With reference to your demand that we should take the coats back, we cannot think of doing so. We therefore annex the enclosed statement and request prompt payment.”

Sergeant Ballantine: You would not assert that the coats fit now?

Haldane: That is what I assert.

Ballantine: Were they not better before they were altered?

Haldane: Yes.

B.: Coats are not your speciality. You are big in the trousers field, aren’t you?

H.: Well, we are better known for trousers.

B.: But not for coats? Did not Mr. Alfred Montgomery, who introduced Sir Edwin Landseer to you, warn him about your coats?

H.: Yes, he did.

B.: Did not you or your brother tell Sir Edwin that you would rather make the coats for nothing than not make them at all?

H.: We said nothing of the sort.

B.: What do you mean by “weakening” the collar?

H.: Sir Edwin complained that the coat collar irritated his neck. So we weakened the collar, that is, we reduced it to a smaller size. B.: And how much are you charging for this reduction?

H.: Two or three pounds.

Sergeant Ballantine: Sir Edwin Landseer considered it necessary to complain of Haldane’s insulting letter. Mr. Montgomery advised Sir Edwin to entrust the lower part of his body to the Haldane firm, but by no means the upper portion. Although Sir Edwin is a great artist, he is a mere child in these things and so took the risk, and the jury sees what the consequences were. The plaintiff, whom the jurors have just seen on the witness stand, is also a great artist. But would a great artist ever remodel his work? He must stand or fall on his feeling of its excellence; but Haldane did not stand up for the excellence of his work. He acceded to alterations so long as they corresponded to his own principles. And then to ask two or three pounds for his botching! I have the honour of addressing a tribunal that wears coats; I ask it whether there is any greater torture in the world than a stiff collar on the neck? I hear that when Sir Edwin put on one of these coats, his neck was in a vice and England was in danger of losing one of its greatest artists. Sir Edwin consents to put the coats in question on before the court, and the gentlemen of the jury can then decide for themselves. I now call Sir Edwin as a witness, and he will tell you the story of the two coats.

Sir Edwin Landseer: ... When I put the coats on—the collar was like this. (At this point Sir Edwin turned around and to loud laughter presented his back to the jurors, leaving the impression in their minds that he had suddenly suffered an apoplectic fit.) ... I offered to leave the decision to the arbitration of any tailor; but all the same any one must know best how his coat fits or where his shoe pinches.

Mr. Griffiths: What did Mr. Montgomery say when he introduced you to the Haldane firm? He said to me: “Sir Edwin, you are usually not so fortunate with your trousers as your coats.”

Griffiths: Would you try the coats on here?

Why not? (Puts one of the coats on.) Now look! (Laughter.)

Baron Martin (the judge): There is a tailor among the jurors. Will the gentleman be good enough to look carefully at the corpus delicti?

The aforesaid tailor leaves the jury box and goes over to Sir Edwin, has him put on the frock-coat and the overcoat, examines them expertly and shakes his head.

Griffiths: Sir Edwin, do you consider the frock-coat too tight?

Yes! (Laughter.)

Too narrow? I ask.

Well, I would have to take it off, if I had to eat luncheon in it. Ballantine: Then, Sir Edwin, you need not be stuck in it any longer. Emancipate yourself from it.

I am much obliged to you. (Takes the coats off.)

After moving pleas by the two attorneys and a comical summing-up by the judge, who stressed in particular that English comfort should not be sacrificed to the artistic ideals of the firm of Haldane, the jury found for Sir Edwin Landseer.